he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
3pm strippers are depressing
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
