my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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