Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
