fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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