I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
