It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
