If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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