It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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