I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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