she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
