Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize