He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
