worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
