she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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