we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
