I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
