Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
