He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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