I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
