oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
