you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
