Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
