time to smoke my breakfast
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
