Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize