He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
