Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
