im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
