its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
