and she was petting her beer can
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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