My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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