At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
