I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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