I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
