I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
