u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
