i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
