shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
