everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
