It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
