At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
