Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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