No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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