In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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