i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
