porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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