Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
