You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
