So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
