when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
