how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
