I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
