You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
