She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
