We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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