DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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