My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
