I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize