Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
