it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
