summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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