Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
