dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ok first of all what the fuck
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
