ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
