My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
third nipple confirmed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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