Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
