It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
