you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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