that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
