I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
