You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize