well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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