Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
