You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
