Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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