He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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