Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
