Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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