you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
