Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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