you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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