You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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