the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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