I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize