So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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