my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
