The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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