I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
