awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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