note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize