You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
