Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
