did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize