I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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