Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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