Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
