i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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