the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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