she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
