she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
