Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
