I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
is it fun? or sober?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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