I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
