I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just want nice things and good sex
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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